All posts tagged: fat

I was Actually GOOD at Track and Field

When I was in public school, as most of you readers are now fully aware of, I was fat. Out of shape. A loser. So one would likely conclude that I was horrible at track and field. WRONG! I performed very well in my standout 60m dash, 100m dash, high jump and ball throw events. I racked up a dozen first place ribbons and several silver and bronze ones as well. To this day I still can’t believe I was able to achieve what I did. I was FAT. I wonder how I would stack up against my rivals nowadays? How did you perform at track and field? What were your favourite events? Get at us!

Dodge the Ball or Get Smoked in the Head

. I was not a fan of dodgeball in public school. You see, I was a fat child. Big. Large. Plump. Slow and fat and fat. Not physically active. Seeing as the idea of dodgeball is to move quickly to pick up the ball to hit othersĀ and avoid getting hit with it yourself, I was not very good at the game. I normally did not last very long. I was routinely put out of the game quickly as I spent more time getting smoked in the face then dodging the balls. Fuck dodgeball!

It’s Hot, Time for 50 Mini Freezies a Day

. I could polish off 20 of these things in one sitting when I was a teenager. I still could today at 25, but am (sort of) smart enough to realize not to do that now. My freezer would always be FILLED with mini freezies. I used to treat the eating of these things like a WWE show. I would pick one flavour out of the six and eat it last. Whatever flavour was eaten last would be the champion, until my next freezie eating marathon. I’M A FUCKING LOSER. No wonder I’m single. Fuck.